He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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