she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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