Buhtt sex?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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