I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
