you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
