there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
