i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
