i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
