I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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