You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
