Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize