haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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