fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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