I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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