I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
