There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let's get the cat blown out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
