Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
