Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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