May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
