I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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