he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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