i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
