WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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