Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
