Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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