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I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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