She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize