When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
