He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
