You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
