I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
