she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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