I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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