I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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