Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
