I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He has the fingertips of a God
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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