four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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