Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
