You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
