i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize