I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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