he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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