Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
