I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
are you so shy because you have an std?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize