FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
