so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
