I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
