u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
