is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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