Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
