"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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