but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
