you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
