Yo dont text me then not text me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
