i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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