Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
