Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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