4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
