Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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