His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
