Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
