So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
