Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
