I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i think i just lost a toe
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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