32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize