It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
