I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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